Being perfect

I think the main problem I had when I became a mother was trying to be perfect. I wanted to do everything by the book. I wanted to breast feed because everyone said it was the best thing for the baby. I wanted to get back into my jeans straight away and be a trendy mum, just like the other mums I saw when I was out and about. I wanted to go to all the groups and everything like that but that never really happened. 

I think as mothers we compare ourselves too much to others, expecting to be just like them. I used to get up in morning feeling exhausted, and I still do now, and the last thing I wanted to do was do my hair and fix my make up. I know at times I looked like a complete mess, but I used to see all these other mums with tiny waists, looking immaculate. They wouldn't have a hair out of place and they looked gorgeous and rested. I thought perhaps I was doing something wrong and hated what they must have thought about me when they saw at me. It was probably something along the lines of, what hedge did she just climb out of. 

I attempted breast feeding, as I was determined to do it and prove what an excellent mother I was. Unfortunately though, my son was born with severe jaundice which meant he had to be under a UV light. He had to lay on a UV pad too. This tended to leave him dehydrated. So I would breast feed him as much as I could but I couldn't supply enough, so I had the give him powdered milk too. I had to alternate it. As soon as I gave him that bottle instantly felt like a failure, which in truth I shouldn't have, I was just doing what was best for my son. After we left the hospital I tried to feed him solely on breast milk, but stressful situations at home made it difficult. My grandad, who had been suffering with bone cancer for several years, passed away the day after my 21st birthday. We found out he had been rushed to the hospital minutes after my now fiancé proposed to me. As you can imagine I was filled with many different conflicting emotions. On the the one hand I was over the moon but the over I was devastated. With other things getting on top of me, I soon found I had dried up and once again felt like a failure.

I went to different baby groups as soon as I could, which most I really enjoyed. However I did find most of them to be quite clicky. There were certain groups of mums that would look down there noses at everyone else. When my fiancé and I finally got a place of our own, I tried going to the children's centre nearby but no one would let their children play with my son. I was quite a bit younger than some of the other mums, and definitely came from a different background. I instantly felt as though they didn't want me there and never returned. Most of these mums were like those I mentioned earlier, the perfect perfect mums that can't do no wrong.

The thing is though behind closed doors they are just as tired and stressed as the rest of us. They just hide it better, they are not any better than anyone else. Everyone deals with motherhood in their own way and that's ok. Despite the many parenting books which tell you how to be the perfect parent, there is no such thing. There is no manual and we all need to figure out what works best for us. There will be days where you want to scream and shout but that is ok, it's normal. We all need to stop trying to be perfect and punishing ourselves when we are not. No one is perfect and I mean no one. The moment we stop comparing ourselves to others is when we truly free ourselves to be a great parent.